You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit