I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night