who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?