Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year