she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.