A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation