I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.