Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm like, not good at living.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear