Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
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That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.