Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
