do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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