i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
