ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
