Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
