My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
