You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
