i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
