So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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