I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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