I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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