she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
