i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
