My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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