I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
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dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Your penis caused this!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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