It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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