She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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