I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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