Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
