I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
