i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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