Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
