I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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