I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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