the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
