Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
