I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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