You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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