He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
