The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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