I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
