As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
