Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
