I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize