people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
