Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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