that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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