Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
