So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
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Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth