pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.