I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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