Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
