I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I pour the whiskey from now on