Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im drinking this country out of the recession.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"