You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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