im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
