These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
