I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize