How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize