guys are not supposed to queef...right?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
