How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level