Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
